#27 Stories from the Edge of Music: Madonna needs a new toilet seat in her dressing room. So what?

Every artist has backstage requirements to deliver the show the audience expects. Some of these needs generate amazement, stunned laughter — and good stories

TRUE TALES FROM THE STARS’ DRESSING ROOMS: CONCERT PRODUCTION 101

Whenever you hear your favourite artist in concert, there are some behind-the-scenes things it’s good to know about. First of all, of course, the artist is only there because the presenter and the artist have signed a contract outlining the major elements of the show: where, when and at what time it will be held, what the tickets will cost, and how much the artist will be paid.

Usually, when the presenter signs it and sends it back to the artist’s agent, they forward up to 50 per cent of the agreed-upon fee. Simple, eh?

But what’s this cluster of paper attached (often literally and always figuratively) to the contract? It’s called a rider, and it is every bit as important as the big stuff —  like where and when the show is and what money the artist is taking home to pay the mortgage with.

It covers everything from the size of the stage to the temperature of the dressing rooms, the specifications for sound and lighting, the number of electrical outlets, the make of the piano if one is to be supplied, the details of special effects (pyrotechnics etc.), the local staff required (drivers, stage hands, loaders etc.). Also included: the food to be served to the artists and the road and stage crews and any special requests/demands from the artists themselves.

Various websites have taken much joy in “exposing” what they see as excesses in artists’ riders. The most famous of these, of course, was Van Halen demanding that they needed a bowl of M&Ms — with the brown ones removed. If the brown ones remained in the bowl it indicated to the band that the promoter had not read the rider. (Years ago, my friend Bob Roper told me that the band, discovering the brown M&Ms still present, got so furious that they trashed a dressing room before a show in London, Ontario.)

THE KING OF ROCK AND SOUL REQUIRES A THRONE

I told this story in the very first Substack column I wrote, more than half a year ago when I had a fraction of the 500+ readers I have now, and it’s worth repeating.

It’s 10 in the morning, in the dusty lobby of the Airport Ramada Inn in Edmonton, and a beautiful young black woman — the road manager/daughter of Solomon Burke — is in conversation with a volunteer from the Edmonton Folk Music Festival.

“Have you got the roses?” she asked.

“Roses?” he responded, with a surprised expression.

“Yes, the red roses.” She paused. “The carpet? You have the red carpet?”

A blank look crossed the face of the volunteer, a young man in his mid-twenties. His consternation increased when she spoke again: “What about the throne?” she asked.

“Look,” she said, quietly losing patience, “have you read Bishop Burke’s contract?” The hapless volunteer admitted he had never seen it.

“Never mind,” she responded. “My father requires two dozen red roses, two silver vases for the roses, a red carpet — and a throne.

“Otherwise, there will be no performance.”

She turned and walked away. Then she looked back: “Please make sure that you cut off all the thorns on the roses.”

Miraculously, when Bishop Burke — much better known as Solomon Burke, the self-styled King of Rock and Soul — headlined the show that night, the throne, the roses (thorns removed), the silver vases and the red carpet were all in place.

As a postscript to this, perhaps I should add that the star came on stage that evening wearing a floor-length cape — the red carpet prevented it being snagged on stray splinters, nails and gaps between planks. It also looked impressive. The silver vases contained the roses, which were thrown to women in the audience during the performance. The throne? Well, Solomon Burke weighed at least 450 pounds, and was unable to stand for the duration of the show, so he delivered the songs sitting down.

And he was the King of Rock and Soul, and kings always have thrones…

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SO, IS THIS CRAZY, OR MERELY EXCESSIVE?

Paul McCartney is vegan, and nothing — nothing — must be made of leather (even the seats in the limousine he’s riding in). At a date in a Toronto arena, all the McDonald’s refreshment stand signs were covered. Oh, and he (and his crew) need 20 dozen clean towels.

Kanye West would like a barber’s chair in his dressing room.  Beyoncé needs heavily seasoned chicken legs. Drake requires a supply of EZ rolling papers, a Nivea chapstick, Dr. Bronner’s peppermint soap and Dutch Masters cigars. Mick Jagger used to require a snooker table — not a billiards table — in his dressing room, and asked for a nearby workout room to accommodate 12 people.

Buddy Guy asks for a large bottle of excellent brandy in his dressing room; Lady Gaga would like a smoothie station (with frozen berries and whey protein or non-fat Greek yogurt) with a blender; Cher needs a separate room for her wigs.

And Madonna requires a fresh unused seat for the toilet in her dressing room.

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OK, AND WHO’S PAYING FOR ALL THESE REQUESTS?

Answer: The artist (mostly).

Artists’ concert payments almost always include a guarantee — a few years ago, the Rolling Stones earned US$1 million per show; probably more, now. And after the costs of the show gave been paid (venue rental, promotion, stage hands, ushers, security, box office and ticketing fees, a percentage for the promoter, AND ALL the rider requirements) the remainder of the money is split.

Usually, the artist gets 85 per cent of the money after all the show costs are paid, and the promoter gets 15 per cent.

Which means that 85 per cent of Madonna’s brand new toilet seat is, in fact, paid for by Madonna herself.

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NO RIDER? THIS IS WHAT CAN HAPPEN. A CAUTIONARY TALE

The artist is Mary O’Hara, a sweet and demure Irish harpist and folksinger. The concert is at the University of Toronto’s Convocation Hall. And tonight, things have gone wrong —Ticketmaster has accidentally sold tickets for one section of the hall twice, which means that 50-odd people need to be assigned new seats at the last minute.

With half an hour before show time, the artist quietly asks the promoter if she could have a soft-boiled egg — “It settles my tummy before I go on stage,” she explains.

Alas, the harried promoter responds, there is no stove backstage. No pan. No water to boil. And no egg.

Gently, he adds: “Mary, put that requirement in a rider to your contract and I guarantee you’ll have it. But now? Not a chance…”

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ONE OF CANADIAN MUSIC’S BEST PEOPLE HAS LEFT…

Pegi Cecconi, one of the most vital, important and memorable people in Canadian music, died last week. After a long, debilitating, pain-wracked illness, she chose medically assisted death, adding bravery to her many other qualities.

Pegi’s business card, as vice-president of SRO/Anthem, the record and management company that represented Rush, Max Webster, Gowan, Van Halen, Steven Page, Ian Thomas and many others, listed her title: “The Queen of Fucking Everything.”

And so she was.

She’d come from South Porcupine, a small community in northern Ontario, where she’d been booking bands for her high school. She hitchhiked to Toronto, talked herself into a job with a booking agency, and then took a job at Anthem, where she stayed (less a short spell as a legal assistant to lawyer Bernie Solomon) for the rest of her career.

Writer Larry LeBlanc summed up her work: “She handled music publishing, management, booking, recording, merchandising, video production, A&R, master licensing, and legal issues while at the same time attaining extensive international expertise.”

Obviously, Pegi was smart, savvy, forceful and a brilliant negotiator. Apparently she handled the sale of the publishing rights of Rush, Ian Thomas, Kim Mitchell and the comedy duo of Bob and Doug McKenzie for an astonishing $44 million. She was intensely loyal to the artists she worked with.

In addition, she served on the boards of directors of several music business organizations, including the Canadian Independent Music Association (CIMA) and the Foundation Assisting Canadian Talent On Recordings (FACTOR), both for 18 years, including spells as chair and treasurer of the latter. She also served at the Independent Digital Licensing Agency (IDLA) and at the Canadian Musical Reproduction Rights Agency (CMRRA).

Most important of all, Pegi also had the best laugh you ever heard, and I recall the many times at MIDEM (the annual music business convention in the south of France) when she would rent a van — christened Le Pig Noir — and a sober driver; four or five of us would drive to dine and drink at an Italian restaurant across the border in Ventimiglia.

But my best MIDEM memory of her was the time she was having a business meeting in a hotel bar. The leader of a well-known Canadian band, several sheets to the wind, approached her, moved to unzip his pants and asked “Dinner for one, Pegi?”

She looked over the top of her glasses, raised an eyebrow, and replied with a question of her own: “Child’s portion?”

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STILL MORE STOMPIN’ TOM: YOU HAD TO BE THERE — STORY #1

Many, many years ago, when I was co-founder of The Record, a now-vanished music industry publication, I got the job as record reviews editor.

One of the records I was unkind about was a dismal compilation of now-forgotten Canadian country artists, compiled by Stompin’ Tom and released on his Boot Records label.

Years later, Tom met David Farrell, The Record’s co-founder and editor, for the first time. As they shook hands, Tom told him: “I hate your fucking guts!”

He apparently thought David had penned that review, and Tom had never forgotten it. I’m relieved, now, that he never found out who had actually written it…

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STOMPIN’ TOM: YOU HAD TO BE THERE — STORY #2

Folksinger (and stonemason) Bobby Watt contributed this story: “I think it was 1990, after a rain-sodden day at the Mariposa Festival in Molson Park. I’m standing at the back of the big party room with Kit Johnson (Murray McLauchlan’s bass player), and his then-girlfriend, Cory Hambleton, who was with the CBC at the time.

“Everything is swinging along nicely until Tom strolls in, carrying a 4x4 sheet of plywood, and proceeds right into one of his many songs, thumping his feet as usual.

“The only problem is that there was another song already being played. Cutting right through the racket, the usually soft-spoken Sylvia Tyson, our Queen of Canadian Folk, yells out: ‘For fuck’s sake Tom, shut the fuck up!’

“At this point, Mr. Connors picked up his slab of plywood and fucked off. Fair made our night, Sylvia did!”

As the artistic director of that festival, I can add a postscript: Tom came back to the party room later, weaving slightly, and stood on a table, his cowboy hat hitting the party room’s ceiling. He sang “Gumboot Cloggeroo,” accompanied by the Violent Femmes. Definitely one of the weirdest musical combinations ever…

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STOMPIN’ TOM: YOU HAD TO BE THERE — STORY #3

My old friend singer/songwriter Jay Aymar (and we’ll have more to say ‘bout him in a future installment of this Substack) told me a story that illustrates Tom’s passionate hatred of Canadian country radio stations.

Said Jay: “I was doing a show at the Iron Horse Saloon in Kingston, maybe 20 years ago. The walls of this place had a zillion posters, photographs, radio-station promotion cards, Polaroids and so on.

“When I was doing my sound check, the owner told me that when Tom appeared there he demanded that anything on the walls that involved a radio station, had a station’s call letters, or advertised a past or coming show sponsored by a radio station — all that had to come down.

“Apparently it was in Tom’s contract — the owner said it took a team with ladders about three days to remove them all. And when Tom arrived he checked all the walls, and went through it all with a fine-tooth comb.”

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YOUR VIDEO LINK FOR THE HOLIDAY

In 2021 Pegi Cecconi earned the Walt Grealis Special Achievement Juno Award. Here’s the CBC clip to introduce her: it features Ray Danniels, the head of SRO, members of Rush, former MuchMusic VJ Denise Donlon and others. A fascinating glimpse of a remarkable woman:

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COMING UP NEXT…

That’s it for this week. Next time look for more Stories from the Edge of Music about the truly legendary Canadian blues rock guitarist Jeff Healey. And there will be no more Stompin’ Tom stories, I promise!

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